stepping stones.
when i look back on my life thus far, i realize that what i’m left with is a series of stepping stones… victories and losses that left an indelible mark on me. what comes to mind? making a jumpshot in a 6th grade CYO basketball final. honestly, that just came to mind, that feeling that i’m chasing even today. there were moments before, moments of awful shame and embarassment as a classmate’s words pierce you. i remember saying goodbye to dear friends, friends that i’m paralyzed today even thinking about calling because of so much change, so much difference, and how much i miss the past and how different today is, if that makes sense.
stepping stones… high school graduation. moving to california. college. significant moments in my life, on paper, but really meaningless without the stories and friendships that lie underneath. first loves, and more importantly, second loves and learning to love again. finding a friend that feels comfortable enough to cry in your arms, and knowing that when the world falls around you, you have someone to call.
i’m left with an incredible memory of a man who loved me like a son, and when i think of him, i’m crushed, literally crushed, knowing i’ll never have the chance to see him again. he taught me so much and i loved him so much that i didn’t know a loss like this was possible. but what brings me great comfort is knowing that someone felt i was enough to care for, enough of something. even if i spend the rest of my life searching for what that enough is… i know that he cared. and i know that he’s proud of me right now. so when the world is piercing me, stabbing me, pulling me under the water and suffocating me, i know that he cared. and that… that’s enough.
